My mental health and climbing

I owe my life to climbing, or at least my sanity. It saved me when I was struggling with and then recovering from a cult. It happened that yoga and climbing came simultaneously into my life. 

The Ukrainian Federation of Yoga is a self-proclaimed pretentious organization with all the sh*t of cults: secrecy, hierarchy, moral and sexual abuse, a charismatic, authoritarian leader, isolation of members, intense indoctrination, and an "us-vs-them" mentality. I wouldn’t call it extremely dangerous, like groups that end in mass suicides or sex trafficking, but there was at least one fatal incident during seminars, and lots of ruined families and damaged lives.

Only a decade after leaving, I’ve actually realized that it was a proper cult, although I did have some doubts after a year there. I just came across a Facebook post from one of the so-called ‘gurus’ I used to admire. I saw how stupid it was and how deeply manipulative. It was odious and nauseating.  

I am glad that I couldn’t get high or deep into it, and the only person I brought into it was my ex-husband. I reached out to him, and he seems okay, also staying in it since then. But many people, myself included, were deeply affected. 

It lasted 4 years. I lost my family and my circle of school friends, like it was all my decisions and my will, but it’s just how it works. I did lots of experimentation on myself and different practices. I ended up deeply depressed, I gained weight, I lost my periods, and I was literally going crazy.

I didn’t know what to do, but I kept seeking a connection. I’d go to everyone I knew, stay at their homes, behave weirdly. After a summer in Chernivtsy, I returned to Kharkiv and went to Vinnytsia, determined to live with Igor, with whom I spent just one weekend. I packed my backpack. It was huge for me. I threw some things out of it at the railway station in Kyiv. We met in Buky. I was so weak from all that craziness, but I still fought through some routes whenever I could use my relentlessness. 

After Vinnitsa I went back to Kharkiv, asked the so-called ‘guru’ what to do, but I was already fit enough to decline his advice, which actually contradicted everything said before.

I found another person who survived such a thing. It was just hearing: you are not alone. You are normal. It’s okay to look for your own way, even in a strange and messy way. And when I felt accepted, I immediately felt my connection with climbing. I went to my ‘mother gym’. I forgot to take money, but the bus driver didn’t mind me going for free. I couldn’t do half a dozen moves while traversing the vertical wall, but I was at home regaining my power and my mind. 

 

Tribute to my dad

 We did a little hiking in Pfitschtal. There were plenty of mushrooms. I thought of my father, of how he would enjoy such a walk and how many mushrooms he would collect. Before the car incident, before his illness, in another life.

It will never happen, it would have never happened. But it was one of my most treasured childhood dreams: to go with him into the forest. 

Now I almost live in a forest, just 10 minutes walk away. And still, I live in a town. It is really wonderful. And for my children, forest is something so regular like almost boring. It isn’t so fascinating for them as it was for me back then. True desires can wait until their time comes.

Meran, kids, ice cream

 Last weekend we were near sunny Meran, but with kids it was messy. It was tough to get up early in the morning and get ready for our trip after the whole week of getting ready for school. It would be really nice if there was someone who did all that work while we could relax in the morning. But parenting has no days off.

Meran was sunny. Boulders were really nice in that part of Algund (Kneodelman). Kids were messy and attention-seeking. And it was like it was: some nice climbing. I liked 5c Rundgand around low boulder. I did the move I thought was to reach for me at another 6a N.N. Kostya worked on 2-moves 7b+/7c. A little bit of walking and ice cream at the end. We could call it a day.

Mountaing rescue in South Tirol: my introduction

 Despite I didn't climb this weekend at all, it was dedicated to climbing, a climbing instructor career, to be exact. I took a 2-day-long First Aid training, which is obligatory for climbing instructors.

On the first day, we were at South Tyrol Alpine Association Mountain Rescue Service in Vilpian. It's a learning center for all rescue workers in South Tirol and it's actually unique for the entire Italy. There are different stations to train firefighters and rescuers in various situations, such as in pictures and many more.

The second day, we spent in Tramin at the small climbing area of Altenburg with an astonishing view, where we trained rescue works at crags, as well as different bandaging techniques.

Some key moments of first aid training:

• They try to go minimalistic and do everything possible with just a bandage and a rescue blanket. The last one is really useful and has a wide range of applications, from actually keeping warm (for an injured person, it's important even when it's hot) to transporting and replacing sunglasses. 
• The number of allergy cases is constantly increasing, and they could be really dangerous and life-threatening without proper medication. In our study case, we met a guy who was sitting on the ground because of dizziness, scratching himself all around. He also said his teeth felt weird. It is a situation to call for rescue, despite it does not seem so dangerous. It's all the symptoms of angioedema or allergic edema. When things are getting really bad, epinephrine autoinjection could be life-saving. Also, only a person themself, a doctor or a nurse are allowed to give a shot.
• Israeli bandage is the most convenient way of applying pressure to a wound. It also goes one-handed.

I am a fighter

 This weekend was homely and cozy. We climbed at our local facilities. First day, it was bouldering in our hard-core long-term-projecting boulder gym in Wiesen. The second day we climbed in Stange for the first time. It's a rather small wall for climbing mostly toprope. And I remembered why I love climbing routes so much. I can often really give it all on a go. It becomes a real fight and I like this state of mind the most.

I'm just a fighter, a f*cking fighter. 

That's all.

And we stocked up on firewood last week.

Austria freind trip

 This weekend, climbing was something special for us because of our friend, Natalka from Kyiv, whom we took with us. Furthermore, we finally found those picturesque mellows with blocks and cows, which are associated with climbing in Zillertal.

This weekend we bouldered in Zillergrund and Sundergrund.

The road through the narrow and somewhat cozy valley to the right of Mayhofer costs 10 euros. But parking is free there. And there is a nice Gasthof Au where one can sleep in a car or in a tent for only 10 euros, and kids are free of charge. It's very nice in the reality of Austria. 

In Gasthof Au

Zillergrund is located on a steep hill in a forest. There is my favorite project for now: Krokodil 6c, the very classics of the area.

Kostya has a pretty hard project there as well - the beginning of this: Hole Run 7b

The approach to first blocks of Zillgrund is very short - just across the road from one of two parking. However, it's steep.

The approach to Sundergrund is about 25 minutes of hiking up. It offers lots of air, views, and cows, as well as many very popular boulders. And it's really kids-freindly. It is one of them: Sweatheart 6a+

Another one: Richis Luder - a very long 6b. I just hadn't enough power to get through the middle and the most sloppery part of it.

The road to Sundergrund

Val di Sadole, Ziano di Fiemme: first meeting

We discovered another interesting and actually much more kids-friendly boulder area in less than two hours of driving from us. It has two names: Val di Sadole or Ziano di Fiemme. There are two free guidebooks for the area: in German and Italian. It's more summer area, so we were freezing cold there and the session was very shot; however, the friction was excellent.

It is mostly bouldering on holes of different sizes. We stopped at the 3 and 4 boulders in the sector Malga. There were plenty of warming-up routes without an exact grade. We climbed a couple and decided that they were somewhat about 5b. 

Then it was 6a with a controversial and not-so-easy start. I did the start first but then fell. 

I tried another 6a several times, but then Kostya discovered in the guidebook new lines on boulder 4, which we'd missed and so I tried the start of nice 7a. Then I tried another 6a and it was time to hurry up to our van because of the school tomorrow. 

It was charming day after a night almost without sleeping. There were so many fellings inside me boiling. And I was angry and disappointed that I couldn't sleep before a day of bouldering outside. That I wouldn't be able to do anything and to enjoy our climbing day. But everything was put together and I did enjoyed the day. We even played with snow a little bit.